Postcards From The Edge

The Most Humbling (and probably the only) Rocket You Will Ever Ride

One of the most disheartening thing about the public transit system is the act of exchanging your hard-scrounged for monies for the measly ttc tokens. They look like humiliated toonies; turned inside out and freeze dried. If I'm going to shell out three bucks for something like that I'd like it to be a bit more impressive. Give it the collective surface area of the coins you insert in and put a pirate with a machine gun riding a giraffe on it. I want a big freakin' medallion that Flava Flave himself would trade in one of his clocks for to hang around his neck. What's that you say? A token that size is impractical? Here's another fun solution that doubles as being rather cathartic. Using the same technology as the metro pass swipe cards, exchange the tokens for little plastic daggers you can use to "stab" the turnstiles. Turnstiles will also be appropriately converted to resemble stab-able things such as morklocks, trolls, Nazis, mimes, etc... Sure you run the risk of confusing weapons for transit fare and vice versa (not to mention creating unwanted parallels between little people and hobbits), but what's one more element of danger to the public transit system, honestly? If anything, it should make waiting at one of the 24h bus stops late at night even more secure with the fear of knowing anyone could be packing.

Toronto Fun Fact # 1

To be fair, we have drugs and prostitution too, we're just less braggy about it...

We're still cool, right?

Still Clinging To Life - TAKE THAT, CITY!

Back in aught-eight I loaded the majority of my earthly possessions into my fathers trailer and, as some sort of ill formulated personal dare, moved to Toronto with some of my closest friends in pursuit of fame and fortune. Over the past year and three months I've met celebrities, gotten stitches, battled poverty and depression, begged on the street (on behalf of a registered charity) and rubbed elbows with big-shot producers. I've learned to make hobo-grade cuisine and attended fine dining establishments. In short, it's been an interesting year trying to make sense of the real world in an at times very unreal city. But I've survived, and you can too. In the months ahead I plan to revive my earlier objective in providing a place of solstice and reassurance to other disenfranchised small-towners set adrift in the big smog - somewhere other lost souls can learn from my experience...and laugh at my expense.